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TRAIN JOKES
.The
train was about to pull out of the station. Swinging a large bag, a
young man managed to reach the train, throw his bag in and climb
aboard, gasping for air, before the doors slid shut.
Seeing
at him, another man said, "Young man, you should be in better shape!
At your age, I could catch the train by a gnat's whisker and still
be fresh. Look at you, panting away." The young man took a deep
breath and said, "Pop, I missed this train at the *last* station."
.Blake and
his parents were drinking at the bar in a train station when they
heard a whistle. The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the
platform only to discover that they had missed the train. "The
next train is in one hour," said the stationmaster.The three went
back into the bar. The parents had another drink; Blake had a Pepsi.
Again they heard a whistle, rushed out and discovered the train
pulling away. "Next one is sixty minutes from now!" said the
stationmaster. An
hour later, Blake, with his mom and dad, raced out onto the
platform, and his parents leaped onto the train as it pulled away.
The boy was left standing on the platform and began to laugh
uproariously. "Your parents just left you," said the stationmaster.
"Why are you laughing?" "They came to see me off!" the boy replied.
An elderly gentleman on a train was mumbling to
himself, smiling, and then raising his hand. After a moment of
silence, he would go through the same process: mumble, smile, raise
hand, silence.
Another
passenger observed this, and after about an hour, he said, "Pardon
me, sir. Is anything wrong?" "Oh, no," replied the oldster. "It's
just that long trips get boring so I tell myself jokes."
"But
why, sir," asked the passenger, "do you keep raising your hand?"
"Well," said the oldster, "that's to interrupt myself because I've
heard that one before."
two
doctors and the manager of an HMO were killed when another one of
UP's freight trains got derailed. They lined up at the Pearly Gates
and St. Peter asked each man to identify himself.
The
first doctor said, "My name is Dr. Smith and I was a pediatrician. I
helped thousands of children with all kinds of medical problems."
"Enter"
said St. Peter
The
second man moved up and said, "My name is Dr. Jones and I was a
psychiatrist. I've helped many people achieve mental health or, at
worst, at least peace of mind."
"Enter"
said St. Peter
The
third fellow stepped forward and said, "I'm John Ross and I was the
manager of an HMO. I have helped countless people get cost-effective
health care."
St.
Peter said, "You can come in too, but you may only stay three days.
When your days are up, then you just float yourself outside or you
can go to hell. Your choice."
LAWYER: "Did you see the automobile approaching the railroad
track?"
CROSSING WATCHMAN: "Yes sir -- and I said to myself, " That
sure is a nice car -- wasn't it?"
TRAVELER: "What's the use of you having a time table if your
rotten trains never stick to it?!"
PORTER:
" Well, sir... how would you even KNOW they was runnin' late if NOT
for the timetable?"
An
elderly lady walked into a Toronto ticket office and asked
for a ticket to New York. " Do you want to go by
Buffalo?" inquired the ticket
agent. "Certainly not!" she answered indignantly, " I want to go by
TRAIN!"
PULLMAN
PORTER to passenger: "Shall I brush you off, sir?"
PASSENGER: " No thank
you.....I'd prefer to get off the train in the USUAL manner!"
CONDUCTOR to passenger: " Sir,
I must ask you not to leave your luggage in the aisle."
FAT PASSENGER: " That's not my
luggage, my good man.....that's my LUNCH!"
MAN: "Well, I can see that
there must be a train around here somewhere."
WIFE: "What makes you say
that, dear?"
MAN: " Because it left its
TRACKS behind!"
What did the
Mama Steam Engine say to her
Baby Steam Engine at supper
time?
"Choo choo!"